I Hit A Girl (Twice !)

Okay... I'm not one who follows every incident that happens to become the lead story of TMZ or Entertainment Tonight.
But reading the blog posts and responses to the Chris Brown/Rhianna episode offers insight to what is expected in an assumed civilized society.
When the incident makes it onto hard news programs, then it's a story.


I'm not sure if the altercation took place over an alleged Booty-Call or news that Rhianna had given CB Herpes.
I would be mad if I caught Chlamydia from a girl, but I wouldn't beat her (I should have had enough sense to use some sort of protection.
But if it was Herpes, I might be mad enough to hit that girl.
Taking a big pink pill is different than being stuck with permanent luggage.

But I've hit a girl before - twice.
Once, the girl and I were just playing around slap-boxing.
She could hit me, if a punch landed, but I had to pull my punches.
On one punch, the girl stepped into the punch and ended up getting thumped in her chest...hard.
"Down goes Frasier!", I joked.
Then I asked if she was alright and apologized.
She said that she wasn't mad and that she knew it was an accident, but that she was sore (and crying).
Her friends, on the other hand, were ready to fight.

Usually I do the old Rope-A-Dope and let the girl try to hit me.
After she's spent her anger and energy - then we'll talk.

But the other incident was one where I asked a girl to drop me off at a house in a bad neighborhood.
I told her to wait ten minutes, and if I wasn't out - she should leave.
Fifteen minutes later, the girl walks through the front door.
I had been called in the middle of dinner with the girl to go to a house and safely remove one of my friend's friends from a bad situation.
(Being that I had a history of cheating on the girl, she had assumed that I was just dismissing her while making a booty-call on another girl.)
The girl had added another level of stress to an already stressful situation.
I now had to ensure her safety as well as the friend's friend and my own. She just put me into a worse situation.
After we left, I drove a block and got out of the car to argue with her. But she wouldn't listen.
I grabbed her by her throat and explained that she could have gotten us both killed and then pushed her away and then I walked away.
After she understood the situation, she calmed down.

But in both incidents, I could have been charged with assault.
I could have been branded a "Wife-Beater" (even though we weren't married) and as someone who should be shunned.
I come from a home where my step-dad would beat my mom to the point of her having to go to the hospital on a monthly basis.
So if anyone has a tendency to hit women, it's people like me.
Or Chris Brown.

But the CB/R incident has brought the issue of domestic violence to the kitchen tables of millions of households.
In many circles, domestic violence is just a part of any relationship.
I've heard older women telling their daughters and grand daughters that being beaten is just something that a woman has to deal with if she wants to keep her man.
That being beaten was something to be expected.

But what has changed?
Is the fact that both singers have personas that are seen as more from a Mouseketeers mold than from a ghetto mold ascribe more value to both victims?
Someone commented on another blogger's post that things would have been different had Rhianna looked like Mo'Nique.

Maybe.
Rhianna is closer to the acceptable level of American beauty.
Tall, thin and sexy.
She is closer to the ideal.
And being closer to the ideal - she is seen as having more value.
Not quite Nicole Simpson value - but having more value than Mo'Nique.

Looks have a lot to do with value.
How many women go missing every day?
How many make the national news?
Of these, how many are seen as attractive and happen to be white?
You see, the closer to the ideal - the more value.

But I can't comment in either way regarding the CB/R situation.
I don't know what happened or why.
But the fact that a Black woman is allotted some value in modern society has to be a sign of progress.
The fact that many young Black males are learning from the lessons of Chris Brown has to be seen as sign of progress.
Maybe CB/R can use this incident to help others.
Maybe some good will come from this.